JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
+7
paez08
Cj BuGaYoNg 2005
daNiel ma' RopET's '03
michaeljohnesplago08
navigator_acelador08
be_tayko08
thomasjay_06@yahoo.com
11 posters
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JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
1-10
Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.'
Ano ang pagkain?
Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo? ano pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
Overseas call
IDD call from US:
Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad?
Wife: Taxi na!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: Lima na!
Horoscope
Sweethearts watchin' the sky...
Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo?
Girl: Anong huruskup?
Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!
Almusal
Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!
Maid: Walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!
Nirape...
Maid: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi...
Madam: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
Maid: Eh, akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa, nagduda na ako!
Mayaman - Mahirap
Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
Pangarap
Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Dalawang mayabang...
Usapan ng dalawang mayabang....
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.'
Ano ang pagkain?
Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo? ano pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
Overseas call
IDD call from US:
Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad?
Wife: Taxi na!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: Lima na!
Horoscope
Sweethearts watchin' the sky...
Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo?
Girl: Anong huruskup?
Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!
Almusal
Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!
Maid: Walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!
Nirape...
Maid: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi...
Madam: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
Maid: Eh, akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa, nagduda na ako!
Mayaman - Mahirap
Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
Pangarap
Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Dalawang mayabang...
Usapan ng dalawang mayabang....
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
hearing aid
jack:pare galing talaga ng hearing aid na nabili ko ang linaw na ng pandinig ko.
paul: talaga pare magkano bili mo?
jack: Oo,nga pare kahapon lang.
jack:pare galing talaga ng hearing aid na nabili ko ang linaw na ng pandinig ko.
paul: talaga pare magkano bili mo?
jack: Oo,nga pare kahapon lang.
be_tayko08- Compliant
- Number of posts : 201
Age : 37
Location : 'The World'
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-03-09
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
2300H:Third Mate (a Filipino)is on duty at the bridge when the Captain went up:
Capt: Oh 3rd mate how is it?
3/O: The weateher is fine captain, but there are so many fishing boat around and ahead of us that is why i called you!
Capt: ah God damn third mate, you no good. you calling me becoz this god damn so many fishing boats. Ah, i don`t like you, you no good.
3/O: when in doubt it is a rule to call the master. If you no like me, you go home Captain.
Capt: Oh 3rd mate how is it?
3/O: The weateher is fine captain, but there are so many fishing boat around and ahead of us that is why i called you!
Capt: ah God damn third mate, you no good. you calling me becoz this god damn so many fishing boats. Ah, i don`t like you, you no good.
3/O: when in doubt it is a rule to call the master. If you no like me, you go home Captain.
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
wahahha walang pinagbago asi!!! corny pero nakakatawa!
michaeljohnesplago08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 192
Age : 36
Location : Bacoor, Cavite
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-01-30
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
corny ba? hahah
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
ayos lang tol nakaka kiliti na rin wahehehe
daNiel ma' RopET's '03- Noob
- Number of posts : 692
Age : 42
Location : QC and bataan
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2008-11-01
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
Eto ang dirty joke na hin di malaswa? .......
si Jaun at si pedro ay naglalakad sa kalsada.
May tumaeng aso.naapakan ni juan ung tae.
H
si Jaun at si pedro ay naglalakad sa kalsada.
May tumaeng aso.naapakan ni juan ung tae.
H
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
sir starboard side ung room namin.. hehe.
may sexy joke pa ako..
may sexy joke pa ako..
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
asan ang punchline dun?
dahan dahan lang sa pag punch baka may tamaan kayo...
dahan dahan lang sa pag punch baka may tamaan kayo...
daNiel ma' RopET's '03- Noob
- Number of posts : 692
Age : 42
Location : QC and bataan
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2008-11-01
daNiel ma' RopET's '03- Noob
- Number of posts : 692
Age : 42
Location : QC and bataan
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2008-11-01
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
daNiel ma' RopET's '03 wrote:asan ang punchline dun?
dahan dahan lang sa pag punch baka may tamaan kayo...
sir sexy joke...inabangan nyo ba?...
eto na...
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
eto n yung sexy joke..
minasan nasa bahay ako..
nakadungaw ako sa bintana..
dumaan yung kapitbahay ko..
hhhhaaaaneeep....
ang sexy nya. maglalaway ka sa kasexsihan!
minasan nasa bahay ako..
nakadungaw ako sa bintana..
dumaan yung kapitbahay ko..
hhhhaaaaneeep....
ang sexy nya. maglalaway ka sa kasexsihan!
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Pedro VS MILF
PEDRO in war with MILF
Pedro: Surender na kayo
MILF: Surender lng kmi kng ma-spell mo ang ceasefire!
Pedro: Tuloy ang gera. patayin sila. padalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa inyong libing.
MILF: spell crysanthemum?!!
Pedro: pakyu! sabi ko rose! bingi! Patay kng patay.
Pedro: Surender na kayo
MILF: Surender lng kmi kng ma-spell mo ang ceasefire!
Pedro: Tuloy ang gera. patayin sila. padalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa inyong libing.
MILF: spell crysanthemum?!!
Pedro: pakyu! sabi ko rose! bingi! Patay kng patay.
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
one day...
sa makati...
may dalawang magkumpare:
LUNCTYM:
VENUE: Mang Kanor's 2ro-2ro
Ang Kaganapan:
Pare 1: (umorder ng Sinigang na hipon)
Pare 2: pa-order po ng tatlong kanin, ulam tortang talong
...habang kumakain ang mag-kumpare::]
Pare 1: (biglang naghubad)
Pare 2: Dre bat ka ng-huhubad? mainit ba?
Pare 1: Hindi dre, sandali lang sisisirin ko lang yung lamn ng sinigang ko, wala kasi yung mga hipon eh!
sa makati...
may dalawang magkumpare:
LUNCTYM:
VENUE: Mang Kanor's 2ro-2ro
Ang Kaganapan:
Pare 1: (umorder ng Sinigang na hipon)
Pare 2: pa-order po ng tatlong kanin, ulam tortang talong
...habang kumakain ang mag-kumpare::]
Pare 1: (biglang naghubad)
Pare 2: Dre bat ka ng-huhubad? mainit ba?
Pare 1: Hindi dre, sandali lang sisisirin ko lang yung lamn ng sinigang ko, wala kasi yung mga hipon eh!
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Joke ni Batman..
Batman: Darling tayo'y may lakad mamaya, susunduin na laang kita. Kapag ako'y bumusina lumabas ka na.
Asawa: Ok Hon! Ano bang dala mong sasakyan? Kotse?
Batman: Hinde.
Asawa: Motor?
Batman: Hinde rin.
Asawa: Ah bka Van?
Batman: Ay mas lalong hindi rin..
Asawa: Eh ano bang dala mo?
Batman: Eh di Busina....
Tawa nman kau jan..hehe
Asawa: Ok Hon! Ano bang dala mong sasakyan? Kotse?
Batman: Hinde.
Asawa: Motor?
Batman: Hinde rin.
Asawa: Ah bka Van?
Batman: Ay mas lalong hindi rin..
Asawa: Eh ano bang dala mo?
Batman: Eh di Busina....
Tawa nman kau jan..hehe
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
anak: tay paano ako magsasaing walang bigas?
tatay: (lasing) matuto kang mag saing ng walang bigas!!!!
anak:(oras ng kainan) tay! kain na!!!!!
tatay:(nagtataka) asan ang kanin?
anak: (galit)tay matuto kang kumain ng walang kanin..
tatay: (lasing) matuto kang mag saing ng walang bigas!!!!
anak:(oras ng kainan) tay! kain na!!!!!
tatay:(nagtataka) asan ang kanin?
anak: (galit)tay matuto kang kumain ng walang kanin..
kid_asuncion03- Compliant
- Number of posts : 22
Age : 41
Location : maragondon,cavite
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-07-27
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
bugs port un..hndi starboard...port as in P-O-R-t port chant port..corny corny corny...
joke time
HAIRY
Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"
Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"
sayaman08- Compliant
- Number of posts : 60
Age : 37
Location : pasay city
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
NO ID NO ENTRY
bakit ang sign na: NO ID ENTRY NO ENTRY na malimit natin nakikita sa mga school ay hindi tinitagalog? Answer: Kasi pag tinagalog yan: WALA ID WALA PASOK...........
NGEEeeeekkkk
bakit ang sign na: NO ID ENTRY NO ENTRY na malimit natin nakikita sa mga school ay hindi tinitagalog? Answer: Kasi pag tinagalog yan: WALA ID WALA PASOK...........
NGEEeeeekkkk
sayaman08- Compliant
- Number of posts : 60
Age : 37
Location : pasay city
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Re: JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
What causes people to have arthritis?A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
What causes people to have arthritis?A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
the Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
Wanna Bet?
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
navigator_acelador08- Supporter
- Number of posts : 135
Age : 36
Location : taguig M.M.
Merit Points :
Registration date : 2009-02-22
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