JOKE TIME....pangpatanggal ng STRESS!

PEDRO in war with MILF

Pedro: Surender na kayo

MILF: Surender lng kmi kng ma-spell mo ang ceasefire!

Pedro: Tuloy ang gera. patayin sila. padalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa inyong libing.

MILF: spell crysanthemum?!!

Pedro: pakyu! sabi ko rose! bingi! Patay kng patay.

one day...


sa makati...
may dalawang magkumpare:
LUNCTYM:
VENUE: Mang Kanor's 2ro-2ro
Ang Kaganapan:
Pare 1: (umorder ng Sinigang na hipon)
Pare 2: pa-order po ng tatlong kanin, ulam tortang talong
...habang kumakain ang mag-kumpare::]

Pare 1: (biglang naghubad)
Pare 2: Dre bat ka ng-huhubad? mainit ba?
Pare 1: Hindi dre, sandali lang sisisirin ko lang yung lamn ng sinigang ko, wala kasi yung mga hipon eh!

Batman: Darling tayo'y may lakad mamaya, susunduin na laang kita. Kapag ako'y bumusina lumabas ka na.

Asawa: Ok Hon! Ano bang dala mong sasakyan? Kotse?
Batman: Hinde.

Asawa: Motor?
Batman: Hinde rin.

Asawa: Ah bka Van?
Batman: Ay mas lalong hindi rin..

Asawa: Eh ano bang dala mo?
Batman: Eh di Busina....


Tawa nman kau jan..hehe

anak: tay paano ako magsasaing walang bigas?
tatay: (lasing) matuto kang mag saing ng walang bigas!!!!
anak:(oras ng kainan) tay! kain na!!!!!
tatay:(nagtataka) asan ang kanin?
anak: (galit)tay matuto kang kumain ng walang kanin..

bugs port un..hndi starboard...port as in P-O-R-t port chant port..corny corny corny...

HAIRY

Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"

NO ID NO ENTRY

bakit ang sign na: NO ID ENTRY NO ENTRY na malimit natin nakikita sa mga school ay hindi tinitagalog? Answer: Kasi pag tinagalog yan: WALA ID WALA PASOK...........
NGEEeeeekkkk

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."



What causes people to have arthritis?A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."

The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"

The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"